B word

 

I wanted to start writing something with a word that popped into my head while I was drifting to bed the other day. I think it may have been a word that starts with a ‘B’ but i'm not too sure. 

Forgetting things that are important used to be something that would worry me and get me in trouble because it happened so often. All the details a person should remember, I wouldnt, and the details someone shouldnt remember, I would. 

Then, a couple of months ago I spent 10 days meditating and in complete silence with myself. I had nothing to write on, nothing to read, nothing for me to remember all the wisdom and ideas that came to me.

I tried to create some mental sticky notes and place it on my minds fridge. But the glue was too old so nothing would stick. I left with only a feeling inside me which is the only thing that remained. 

My life changed, I changed. But I dont really know how.

I dont remember a time that it happened, or the thought that passed to get me to who I am now.

Theres nothing to show whats different, just my mind and soul know that. 

No journal entry, no aha moment, no before and after. Absolutely nothing at all.  

As many times as I try to remember, I just cant seem to mentally go back. 

But I guess thats the natural process of how we all grow.

Things happen to us, for us, and then one day we look back at the person we were one, two, three years ago and we cant seem to understand how we got to who we are now. Or maybe, how we were who we were back then.

If someone asked me "what was it that made you change?", theres nothing that I could actually say. 

But whatever it was, it is something that stayed and thats how it got me to who I am today. 

Its like the aging process: you see yourself every day, so everything stays the same. But the day you meet a friend again is when you realize all the change. 

And so, when a thought comes to me now.. I no longer try to hold on or remember it all the time. Now I know that as it passes, it sends a ripple, somewhere and in someway, and a new part of me silently blossoms, either in the moment, or in moments to come.  

I think that might have been the word.