Appless: Rejecting The Forbidden Fruit

This post may not be suitable for hardcore Tinder, Raya, Hinge, or Bumble users. Proceed with caution. 

As tempting as it may be sometimes, I don't use dating apps to connect me with people for romantic relationships because of my (harsh) opinion on them (except for gay couples, because I understand how difficult it may be to find a romantic partner of the same gender).

To get to the point as directly as I can, I find it too easy of a way to mess with the destiny of meeting people we’re meant to meet, by meeting people we’re not supposed to meet. I see it as a mechanism of defying the laws of physics by bringing people into our lives who arent supposed to be because the natural gravitation towards one another had not already occurred, and yet we force it to happen by setting our age, location and proudest photos of ourselves for someone to judge us based on what they think of our appearance. 

Meeting each other would not have been meant to be because they weren't ready to bump into each other if their location was already the same general location. It would have been synthetically fabricated to satisfy the lonesome and horny desires of having someone to fill the void of feeling that theres a lack of external love in our lives. 

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I find a great importance in the first meeting with someone- in a way it sets the stage and the theme for the rest of the relationship. If I were to get into a relationship with someone I met online and then get asked about how we met, I would probably respond with ‘oh we met on Hinge, but trust me, it was cuter than that. We met for our first date, and he started singing Hallelujah to me because I wrote that it’s my favorite song’. Yeah sure, it would be cute and all until I decide to change my script when I run into another girl he met on Tinder who says he did the same exact thing with her too. And that is how I (again, harsh opinion) believe that this is the ‘theme’ that sets the foundation for online dating - that there is a lack in authenticity and stability because you know that you can easily go back online and meet someone else and write a story that you wrote by starting at the exact same point as you already did many times before. Also, the idea of dating someone who I know already spent hours looking and judging other women and probably went on 4 other dates that week, even though its only Tuesday, feels a bit desperate and uncomfortable.  I am sorry if you didn't take my precaution warning sign from the beginning and made it this far with your loved one / ones from Tinder. 

Right before sitting down to write this, I met a man after getting lost on my bike and deciding to stop to get a juice. We both ordered an avocado smoothie called ‘Viagra’ and we sat together chatting for an hour to drink it. So our meeting was: we met each other while buying viagra and then took it together and chatted for an hour while the effects of it (filling our bodies with nutrients) were happening. If I were to take a guess on how this hypothetical relationship would be, I would assume that it would be a naturally healthy relationship in experiencing our sensuality or that it would come with a very distressing sex life 10 years into the future. But that (horrible) joke is beside the point. 
Let’s take the meeting with him as an example: I most likely won’t end up dating him or getting the chance to share this artwork of a meeting story when I introduce him at a family dinner, but the sacred part of this encounter was that it was exactly what I needed without me trying to force it or create it on my own. I couldn’t have created it, and I could also never duplicate it or try to have it with someone else because the very act of trying to do something removes the ability of being able to have it. The encounter that we had, with both of our personalities being compatible and allowing an easy flow and exchange of information, came to us in the exact moment we needed to have it. For one, it gave me an understanding of what I have been curious about lately by our conversations naturally being redirected to concepts that I have been contemplating in my head (one would say ‘answers to questions’ but as I have come to accept in life, I no longer ask questions nor want answers - but rather open my heart to curiosity and the information I need knocks on the door and walks in as a comfortable guest). 

And this, is generally how everything in life is meant to be for everyone: with things that are meant for you to show up at the right time and in the right place without algorithms, ads, apps, AI, fabrications, or force. 

p.s. this is not to say that I haven't used dating apps before. (Hugo, if you read this, i'm sorry I told you I was 18 when I was actually 16 and that you rode a train for two hours to see me again and I didn't show up).